This is the second installment in my week-long blogathon dedicated to “all things marriage” in celebration of our 2nd year anniversary.  Hope you find inspiration from this story The Best Kind of Love by Annette Paxman Bowen.  May we all be blessed to find the best kind of love.

*My side comments are in bold italics (hope you don’t mind as I can really relate to this!)

I have a friend who is falling in love.  She honestly claims the sky is bluer.  Mozart moves her to tears.  She has lost 15 pounds and looks like a cover girl.

“I’m young again!” she shouts exuberantly.

As my friend raves on about her new love, I’ve taken a good look at my old one.  My husband of almost 20 years, Scott, has gained 15 pounds (and sadly, I have gained 10 pounds after only 2 years).  Once a marathon runner, he now runs only down the hospital halls (my DH was never a runner but he used to go to the gym religiously, but now only jogs around the village occasionally when the mood strikes him).  His hairline is receding and his body shows the signs of long working hours and too many candy bars.  Yet he can still give me a certain look across a restaurant table and I want to ask for the check and head home.

When my friend asked me “What will make this love last?” I ran through all the obvious reasons: commitment, shared interests, unselfishness, physical attraction, communication.  Yet there’s more.  We still have fun (ditto!).  Spontaneous good times.  Yesterday, after slipping the rubber band off the rolled up newspaper, Scott flipped it playfully at me.  This lead to an all-out war (one of my favorite things to do is wrestle with my husband - who weighs twice as me - or tickle him to death).  Last Saturday at the grocery, we split the list and raced each other to see who could make it to the checkout first.  Even washing dishes can be a blast.  We enjoy simply being together (same here - he is my favorite companion and I am his).

And there are surprises (This is where we differ.  My husband has never been good with surprises, I always bust his plans).  One time I came home to find a note on the front door that led me to another note, then another, until I reached the walk-in closet.  I opened the door to find Scott holding a “pot of gold” (my cooking kettle) and the “treasure” of a gift package.  Sometimes I leave him notes on the mirror and little presents under his pillow.

There is understanding.  I understand why he must play basketball with the guys (I’ve learned that boys will be boys and I must respect his love for toys).  And he understands why, once a year, I must get away from the house, the kids - and even him - to meet my sisters for a few days of nonstop talking and laughing (I do enjoy - and need - my dinner dates with my girls).

There is sharing.  Not only do we share household worries (he used to abhor household chores but I’ve slowly broken him in) and parental burdens (hopefully soon we can relate to this)- we also share ideas.  Scott came home from a convention last month and presented me with a thick historical novel (It would take a mircle to get my husband to read a book but he does tolerate my inclination towards chick flicks).  Though he prefers thrillers and science fiction, he had read the novel on the plane.  He touched my heart when he explained it was because he wanted to exchange ideas about the book after I’d read it.

There is forgiveness (ah, this is *very* important!).  When I’m embarrassingly loud and crazy at parties, Scott forgives me.  When he confessed losing some of our savings in the stock market, I gave him a hug and said, “It’s okay.  It’s only money.”

There is sensitivity (I can talk to him about my deepest darkest secrets and fears).  Last week he walked through the door with that look that tells me it’s been a tough day.  After he spent some time with the kids, I asked him what happened.  He told me about a 60-year-old woman who’d had a stroke.  He wept as he recalled the woman’s husband standing beside her bed, caressing her hand.  How was he going to this husband of 40 years that his wife would probably never recover?  I shed a few tears myself because of the medical crisis.  Because there were still people who have been married 40 years.  Because my husband is still moved and concerned after years of hospital rooms and dying patients.

There is faith.  Last Tuesday a friend came over and confessed her fear that her husband is losing his courageous battle with cancer.  On Wednesday I went to lunch with a friend who is struggling to reshape her life after divorce.  On Thursday a neighbor called to talk about the frightening effects of Alzheimer’s disease on her father-in-law’s personality.  On Friday a childhood friend called long-distance to tell me her father had died.  I hung up the phone and thought, this is too much heartache for one week.  Through my tears, as I went out to run some errands, I noticed the boisterous orange blossoms of the gladiolus outside my window.  I heard the delighted laughter of my son and his friend as they played.  I caught sight of a wedding party emerging from a neighbor’s house.  The bride, dressed in satin and lace, tossed her bouquet to her cheering friends.  That night, I told my husband about these events.  We helped each other acknowledge the cycles of life and that the joys counter the sorrows (We have helped each other deal with a lot of issues in our lives).  It was enough to keep us going.

Finally, there is knowing.  I know Scott will throw his laundry just shy of the hamper every night (MEN!!!).  He’ll be late to most appointments (I have to constantly remind my husband about the time) and eat the last chocolate in the box (yes, he’s PG that way).  He knows that I sleep with a pillow over my head (he sleeps with a pillow over his head plus 4 other pillows!).  I’ll lock us out of the house at a regular basis, and I will also eat the last chocolate (yes, I can also be PG).

I guess our love lasts because it’s comfortable (Ah, what a wonderful feeling!  Like an old raggedy t-shirt I’ve worn to death but can’t part with).  No, the sky is not bluer; it’s just a familiar hue.  We don’t feel particularly young; we’ve experienced too much that has contributed to our growth and wisdom, taking its toll on our bodies, and created our memories.

I hope we’ve got what it takes to make our love last.  As a bride, I had Scott’s wedding band engraved with Robert Browning’s line “Grow old along with me!”  We’re following those instructions.

“If anything is real, the heart will make it plain.”

For the rest of the week, I’m going to share some of my favorite stories on marriage.  To start things off, here’s a great one about accepting each other’s faults and embracing differences.

The Secret to a Lasting Marriage: Embrace Imperfection
by Deb Graham

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then.  And I remember on night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burnt toast in front of my dad.  I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed.  Yet all my dad did was reach for his toast, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school.

I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite!  When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast.  And I’ll never forget what he said, “Baby, I love burnt toast.”

Later that night, I went to kiss daddy goodnight and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned.  He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Sweetie, your momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired.  And besides, a little burned toast never hurt anyone!”

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner and the kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it’s a cherished memory from my childhood that I’ll never forget.  And it’s one that came to mind recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late, as usual, and decided we would have breakfast for dinner.  Some things never change, i suppose!

To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast.  Thinking I had things under control, I glanced through the mail for the day.  It was only a few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven!

Now, had it been any other day - and had we had more than two pieces of bread in the entire house - I would have started all over.  But it had been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of bread.  So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about the toast.  But all I got was a “Thank you!”  I watched as he ate bite by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast.  But instead, all Jack said was, “Babe, this is great.  Thanks for cooking tonight.  I know you had a hard day.”

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my mom and dad…how burnt toast hadn’t been a deal-breaker for them.  And I quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn’t a deal-breaker either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people.  I’m not the best housekeeper or cook.  And you might be surprised to find that Jack isn’t the perfect husband!  He likes to play his music too loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far too many sports.  Believe it or not, watching “Gold Academy” is not my idea of a great night at home!

But somehow in the past 37 years, Jack and I have learned to accept the imperfections in each other.  Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our differences.

You might say that we’ve learned to love each other for who we really are.

For example, I like to take my time.  I’m a perfectionist and I’m even-tempered.  I tend to work too much and sleep too little.  Jack, on the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser and a marketer’s dream consumer.  I count pennies and Jack could care less!  Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we’re also very much alike.  I can look at him and tell you what he’s thinking.  I can predict his actions before he finalizes his plans.  On the other hand, he knows whether I’m troubled or not the moment I enter a room.

We share the same goals.  We love the same things.  And we are still best friends.  We’ve traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many mountaintops.  And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every minute of every day to make this thing called “marriage” work.

What I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults - and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage.

And that’s my prayer for you today.  That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your married life and lay them at the feet of God.  Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a marriage where burnt toast isn’t a deal-breaker!

Have a great day!  May God bless your marriage!

Heavenly Father,

I pray that You will bless my husband with a very fulfilling life.  That he may utilize all of his God-given talents and find satisfaction in his career.  May he be successful in all his endeavors so that he can provide our family’s financial needs and contribute to Your church.  Please send him Your Holy Spirit, Father, to help him get through stressful times.  Give him clarity of mind and creative problem solving skills when difficulties arise.  I ask for Your protection to keep him from harm.  I pray that he may grow closer to you and seek your direction daily for the prosperity of our marriage, our livelihood, our families and his personal growth.  May he have strength of will to resist temptations and live Your way.  Please bless my husband with patience and courage.

Father, I pray that I may always be a blessing to my husband.  May I be a source of strength and encouragement when he is feeling down.  May we always be one in mind and heart and move in Your direction in all our actions and thoughts.  Grant us a patient heart and a gentle tone when we disagree.  Most of all, may we always have love in our hearts and respect for one another.

This I pray in Your name.

Amen.

In celebration of our 2nd year anniversary, I would like to share some of my favorite quotes on marriage:

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent and it must be equal. - Frank Pittman

Marriage is a partnership in which we inspire the other, and brings fruition to both of you. - Millicent Carey McIntosh

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction. - Antoine de Saint Exupery

Happy Anniversary Tum!

It’s our 2nd year wedding anniversary tomorrow.  All in all we’ve been together for 8 years!  We’ve been through so much and I’m sure we’ll go through so much more.  I’m just happy and grateful to be spending my life with such a wonderful man With him, I’m a better person. 

My prayer is that we will have many more years to come and that we continue to grow together both spiritually and mentally.

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